Bra Shopping is Torture akin to Emotional Abuse by Sarcastic Clowns

Dear Lingerie Industry,

There must be a happy medium between giant old lady bras that also function as purses and Fredericks of Hollywood-style, see-thru, flimsy, animal print eye patches with underwire. Get on that, will ya?

Sincerely, Real Boobs McGee

Thank you, Drive Thru

Lifetime Viewers Help Get
New Breast Cancer Legislation
Introduced on Capitol Hill

U.S. Senators Olympia J. Snowe (R-ME) and Mary L. Landrieu (D-LA) and U.S. Representatives Sue Kelly (R-NY) and Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) introduced The Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act of 2005. As part of the network's Stop Breast Cancer for Life advocacy campaign, Lifetime has been working to pass this legislation since 1996 and now has collected more than 10 million petition signatures from viewers who have showed support for Congress to pass this bill.

The bill's protections for those facing breast cancer include:

--A second opinion. This bill assures a patient of a second opinion for any cancer diagnosis. A cancer diagnosis must be reliable.

--Inpatient coverage. The bill ensures that a health care provider cannot limit hospital stays for a mastectomy or breast-conserving surgery to less than 48 hours, and also assures a 24-hour stay for lymph node dissection.

--Support for lumpectomy treatment. This bill requires coverage for radiation therapy for patients undergoing lumpectomy. Together with the assurance of inpatient care, this act removes the economic incentive for a woman to select mastectomy simply to reduce the immediate cost of treatment.

While both medical and nursing associations believe that most patients require a longer hospital stay, "drive-through" mastectomies have become an unwelcome reality for women who are battling breast cancer. Against the advice of their doctors, women must leave the hospital while still in pain, groggy with anesthesia and with drainage tubes still in place. The legislation is supported by the American Medical Association; American College of Surgeons; American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons; Association of Women's Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses; National Council of Jewish Women; Society for the Advancement of Women's Health Research; Susan G. Komen Foundation; Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization; and Families USA

Click here to LEARN MORE!
Click here to SIGN THE PETITION!

(Thank you to Teona for forwarding this notice.)

Check Another Item Off the List

I bought envelopes! Woo!

Out Like a Lamb

Oh April, you saucy minx, why must you be so fast and loose with your vacations and your MA-only holidays and you're.... no, it was mostly the vacation.

I've been slacking in the fundraising department. May is NEXT WEEK and I'm still not half-way to my goal. Not that I'm complaining about $800! $800 is grrrrreat! And I'm so impressed with and gratefull to the people who stepped up and donated--especially more than once.

But $800 ain't the goal, kids. It's time to get moving.

The mom and I have been trying to plan a yard sale but with me being on vacation and so very much not at home all last week, the preparations are far from made. Apparently, the local paper wants $25 for a three day ad (pah-shaw to that, I say) so the signage will have to come from our own two.... four hands. And that hasn't been done yet. Beyond that, there's been no invading of the storage space (I haven't seen that crap since I moved here 2 years ago--how important can it be?), there's been no organizing of the things we "put aside for the yard sale", there's been no thought as to pricing, as to set up, as to cash box and change, as to... time or day.

This is the worst yard sale ever. It'll be a couple of old shirts and one of my dad's broken lawnmowers sitting on my front yard while the mom picks weeds and I play video games. Oh sad yard sale!

I've also neglected the donation letters, which are fantastical by the way and fully deserve some monetary recognition. But I haven't gotten my address list together yet. And the envelopes I bought are wrong and bad. And there are pins. And ribbons. And I'm just so busy that I can't... possibly... get everything... done.

And this after I decided yesterday that I want to take ballroom dance classes. I'm such a hobby whore.

Tonight, I have karate but TOMORROW! Tomorrow, at the very least, I will BUY NEW ENVELOPES that actually fit the donation forms. And I will ATTEMPT TO STUFF THE ENVELOPES! although I'll probably need some help. And I will.... GET ON THE TREADMILL TOMORROW MORNING!

Nah, that won't happen. I think I hate the treadmill. I think I'll have to name it Lucifer and burn candles around it to protect myself from its evil influence.

Look at her pretending to be happy. You're not happy, lady. You want to be outside! You want to take control of your life back from the treadmill demon! The power of Christ compels you! The power of....

What?

Follow the Red Swiggle

I would love to tell you how many miles I walked during my vacation because I'm quite sure it was an impressive number. I traversed the streets of Salem so much that I was actually able to get myself back to my B&B even AFTER I lost my map (because I'm a genius) and had to walk back IN the dark WITH a pint of beer in my tummy. That, my friends, is impressive... for me.

However, after my first day there, and a less impressive 2.7 mile jaunt around the neighborhood to acclimate myself and plan the next day, I totally forgot my pedometer Every Other Time I left my room.
I did draw swiggles on a map... but that might not be helpfull. There will be pictures... eventually.

Leather Tassels are Harder to Swing

Thank you kindly to Elizabeth, Kristen and Robert for their generous donations!

Slow and Steady with Frequent U-Turns

All aboard the Dane Train, kids. Nells and I went to Boston on Saturday for some Dane Cook and some misdirected wandering. I brought the pedometer.

The best part of the adventure.... I'm sorry, the second best part (because going to see Dane was the first best) was the absolute lack of plans we made other than "be at Garden 10pm." We therefore spent the day walkin', walkin', walkin'.

Let me start by telling you that *I* forgot my map. And if you know me at all (or have read some of my more colorful posts) you know that I have no sense of direction and therefore desperately, pathetically need maps to get around. Thank the gods of good city planning for that spattering of information booths and mounted maps around Boston. We'd be in Canada by now without them.

We parked in a garage near Government Center and started out right away in the wrong direction, having emerged from a side entrance into a neighborhood instead of... out the front door right into Government Center--a place I actually know and recognize. We walked down a giant hill.... we walked up a giant hill... we saw a really huge building... we... decided we were lost. And then, miracle of miracles, through a wrought iron fence, I saw a Duck Boat. "Nell!" says I, "Duck Boat! Let's go toward the Duck Boat!" Hence, rule number one about Boston adventures: Follow the Duck Boats; they know where they're going.

The Duck Boat brought us out to the Public Garden and through the Common where we found the first of our lucky maps. Lucky map number one told us that we... had taken a little stroll through Beacon Hill. Hmmph. Never been there before. So we traced a little line along our path and giggled like the stupid stupid tourists we were.

OH but there's a MAP now. NOW we will go in the right direction for the MAP shall lead us! Follow Tremont! (which became the second rule about Boston adventures: Tremont shall lead the way.) And eventually, we shall end up at Fanueil Hall!

20 minutes later, as we crossed over the highway, Ms. Nellerson said to me, "We didn't cross the highway to get here. I think we're going the wrong way."

On the wrong side of said highway, we found lucky map number 2. We searched the area we should have been in for the streets we had actually passed while joking about how we were probably looking in the wrong part of the map. Ha Ha Ha. ... Ha Ha Ha. .... Ha...... oh.

And turn around we did right quick, heading back toward the Common, having realized that we took Tremont... in the wrong direction.

Luckily, we were in no hurry. So on our way back to the ... erm, right way, we decided on a stroll through the Public Garden since we really hadn't been paying attention the first time around.

We saw so many lovely things there...


Trees.

Water.

Public indecency.

And finally found ourselves back on track and conveniently following rule number three of Boston adventures: Follow Ye the Freedom Trail if Historic Monuments Ye Seek! And that brought us right back to Government Center.

We did however, step off the trail to visit the Holocaust Memorial.

Finally, finally, we made it to our only real destination for the day's events: Faneiul Hall. At that point, we had walked close to 5 miles and our feets were startin' ta ache. So we headed to the basement restaurant Zuma and sipped a couple of margaritas in the cool, sunlessness.

Afterward, we watched the street performers...

and wandered through some of the more interesting shops.

After Fred called to see where to meet us,

we got some coffee and decided to attempt to find the TD Bank North Garden formerly the Fllet Center. By this time, it had started getting dark and we realized that rule number four of Boston adventures involved Finding the Killians, for it conceals behind itself a map o' the city.

Except this one... which we were very disappointed in

Eventually, after many map stops and the harassing of random art pieces, we found the garden. We did a couple laps around the neighborhood, looking for a cozy bar WITH STOOLS and found Sullivan's Tap. It was there we checked the pedometer and found that pre-show, we had walked a total of...................................

6.55 miles. And we never could have accomplished it without... getting lost. Many times. Thank you total lack of direction!

By the time the show was over, however, and we had finally found the car again, the total was 7.77. Not a bad day's work, my friends. Not bad at all.

Updates From LazyBloggerLand

At this point, I've pretty much given up on the team concept. Oh I still get the emails, "Training walk, 15 miles, Sunday at 7am, 30 mins away from your house."

To hell with that!

I'm tired on the weekends, man. I'm much happier getting up at 10, doing other things, and then going out around 3 or 4pm. By that time, it's starting to get cooler, there are fewer people on the roads and the soccer games at the park down the street are finishing up.

I've noticed, too, that I go a lot faster alone. Setting your own pace is important, I've found. I'm always hurtin' way more after a walk with someone else than by myself and again, as I keep repeating to people, it's not a race; it's an endurance challenge. And frankly, if by walking slower, I conserve my energy enough to get me to the end, I much prefer that, even if it means the old man with the curious dog laps me a couple times. He does a mile. I've been doing three or four on the track. And steadily, mind you. The joggerman laps me a couple times over on his first three laps but slows down significantly after that and labors with every heaved breath. Meanwhile, I'm walking the exact same pace and breathing fine. I. Win.

Besides, from what I've heard, at the event you are constantly surrounded by people. I don't think I need to be on a team to really experience the comradery. Hell, I've felt it already at meetings. That's the thing about charity: it's not about winning and losing and competition. You're there to help and whatever you do is appreciated, even if it's not as much as other people can do. There are so few places where that's true.


I'm on vacation next week and although I don't plan to do "training walks" per se, I will be doing quite a bit of walking. Saturday, Nell and I are spending the day in Boston and rather than shelling out a lotta dough on T tokens, we're going to try to walk everywhere. Oh and I'm bringing the pedometer, yessireebob. Tuesday through Thursday, I'll be in Salem where, I hear, parking is hard to come by. I plan to leave the Silver Bullet at the B&B and hotfoot it through the touristy wonderland. Then next Saturday, I'm going to a karate clinic and while I doubt extensive walking in on the agenda, I can pretty much guarantee it'll cover my "cross-training" requirement for the week. It'll be a superactive week o' funtimes for yours truly and after my last week-long vacation (wherein all I accomplished was the viewing of Felicity season one), it'll be in consideration for the best vacation ever award.

I've also stopped wearing my breast cancer awareness bracelet on a daily basis since it became so cumbersome to work in. I blame my freakishly small wrists for the bracelet slippage 'cause man, I can't type with that thing on my hand all day. I have all my pink ribbons made. I just need to pin some of those bad boys to my hat and coat and bag and such. Gotta represent.

Special Mail Day! La la laaaa!

Oh special mail day. Special Mail Day! Everything's better with special mail!

I got another chunky envelope from the 3DAY and figured it was another pink bracelet with another invite to another FOCUS meeting so no, I didn't open it right away.

But then bill fun time came around again and I was forced to open all of those menacing white envelopes when What Should I Find?!

A Pink 3DAY Lanyard! The special lanyard you only get when you accomplish the goal of raising $500 within your first 60 days of registration! I had honestly thought I missed the cutoff and would have to wear that snazzy black lanyard with my Milestone Badge. But not so, my friends, not so.

For *I* Have SHINY PINK LANYARD on which to hang my milestone badge!

Hooray!

.

Example of lanyard not to scale... or color... or design. It's actually just... a picture of a random blue lanyard I found so that... you'd know what object I was talking about. Now, imagine it pink and pretty... and there you go.

And I Used to Hate Pink

Ohhh, if I had a million dollars... well, I wouldn't have to fundraise quite so much, eh? Or... work. Or... make deals with demon credit card companies...

And I could buy... all sorts of STUFF!

Check out the Susan G. Komen Giftshop:

I don't even know what that third one is, but it's pretty ain't it?

The selection's pretty slim, but their stuff is nice and decently priced.

The 3Day has it's very own merchandising extravaganza at 3DAYGear.com:

I just want the hat.

Heal Up Them Hurts

I hate that I'm not indestructible.



I hurt my knee. I don't even know how. I went out Saturday afternoon--post rainstorm that erupted like the second coming whilst the mom and I were in Target--and walked 4 miles.

Yay! Four miles! And at a moderate pace! I walked down to the park about a mile from my house, did... I don't know, a crap load of laps around the fitness trail (I intended to do 8 but I lost count after a while) and then walked a mile home. The only thing that slowed me down was that nasty hill up to my house.

By the way, my house is uphill both ways. No lie.

My knee had been hurting last week during my New London walk with Nellypoo and yes, it was a little stiff the next day but nothing compared to the ouch I woke up with yesterday. My knee was just... super stiff and achey and hurt when I moved certain ways.

So no, I did not walk yesterday. Bad monkey. Nor did I hop on the treadmill this morning. Double bad.

But as I've learned many many... many many times before, hurts don't heal if you don't let 'em.